


makoto and his hoes

by hopelesscalico



Category: Dangan Ronpa - All Media Types, Dangan Ronpa: Trigger Happy Havoc
Genre: (theyre all lgbt), -byakuya voice- time to repress my sexuality, ALSO the fic name is a joke all the girls are lesbiabs !, Alternate Universe - Non-Despair (Dangan Ronpa), Chatting & Messaging, F/F, Friendship, Gen, LGBTQ Character, M/M, Probably ooc, Trans Fujisaki Chihiro, chaps are pretty short but hopefully funny!, chatfic, especially for chihiro i have too much fun writing her as a little bastard, i have no idea how to write byakuya but i love naegami too much to not at least try, im sorry for nyakuya, makoto is also trans but at this point its not really importany, mukuro "its the principle" ikusaba, my first chatfic!, normal hopes peak!, nyakuya, shes a girl!, they are not above committing crimes, yes sayaka did have a warrior cats phase
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2020-04-19
Updated: 2020-07-13
Packaged: 2021-03-01 18:00:20
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 11
Words: 10,591
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/23731216
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/hopelesscalico/pseuds/hopelesscalico
Summary: [Makoto Naegi created a group chat with 3 other members][Makoto Naegi changed group chat name to “makoto and his hoes”][Makoto Naegi changed 4 nicknames]cinnamoroll : it's here!!my melody : MAKOTO THE NAAAAAAME NJGADNEUOWKM
Relationships: Fukawa Touko/Naegi Komaru, Ikusaba Mukuro/Maizono Sayaka, Naegi Makoto/Togami Byakuya
Comments: 84
Kudos: 503





	1. Chapter 1

**Author's Note:**

> Nickname Key -
> 
> Makoto - cinnamoroll  
> Chihiro - keroppi  
> Mukuro - kuromi  
> Sayaka - my melody

**[Makoto Naegi created a group chat with 3 other members]**

**[Makoto Naegi changed group chat name to “makoto and his hoes”]**

**[Makoto Naegi changed 4 nicknames]**

cinnamoroll : it's here!!

my melody : MAKOTO THE NAAAAAAME NJGADNEUOWKM

keroppi : the contrast between the gc name and the cutesy sanrio nicknames is amazing tbh

kuromi : Out of all the references to make for the chat title, this had to be it?

cinnamoroll : absolutely.

kuromi : You realize that creating a group chat called “makoto and his hoes” isn’t going to erase the rumors that we’re, like, a harem, right?

cinnamoroll : kuro, if people haven’t realized you’re gay at this point, there’s no helping them. you and sayaka are literally the sappiest couple i’ve ever met in my life.

kuromi : Fair enough.

my melody : ok makoto you are literally so mean to me. i am not sappy. i am simply a loving and doting girlfriend. get off your high horse you are single and also crushing on the least emotionally vulnerable person i have met, ever. 

my melody :and i’ve met pekoyama.

my melody : ( side note - ly babe <3 )

kuromi : <3

keroppi : OUCH. 

keroppi : SIZZLING. STEAMING. 

keroppi : ABSOLUTELY TOASTED.

cinnamoroll : you’re right, but i’m still hurt

cinnamoroll : (im kidding im not really hurt i love u <333)

my melody : i know <33333333

keroppi : this is why

my melody: why what?

keroppi: why people think we’re a harem.

cinnamoroll : nooooooo i’m gayyyyy

keroppi : haha gay

my melody : haha gay!

kuromi : Haha gay.

cinnamoroll : the hypocrisy…. im wounded

keroppi : you deserve the wounds, gayass

cinnamoroll : CHIHIRO 

my melody : throwback to when everyone thought chihiro was a soft babey…..

keroppi : I AM A SOFT BABEY

keroppi : i’m just also funny

kuromi : I also love how Makoto tells us he’s gay like we haven’t seen him when he’s within 10 feet of Byakuya. You’re a disaster bi through and through, sir. 

cinnamoroll : am i that obvious???

keroppi : oh absolutely

my melody : seconded.

kuromi : You expected lesbians to not notice yearning? Amateur move.

cinnamoroll : … yet another good point.

kuromi : I’m full of wisdom today.

keroppi : spitting FAX

kuromi : Sayaka, help, I need to understand new slang again.

keroppi: mukuroooooo i’m a technology girl why didn’t you ask meeeeee

keroppi : …... words can hurt (っ◞‸◟c)

cinnamoroll : it’s ok chi, we can’t all be mukuro’s girlfriend. 

my melody : spitting fax means that you’re saying something that’s very true!

my melody : (assuming that’s what you were talking about)

kuromi : It is, thank you! 

my melody : it’s no problem! ily sweetheart

kuromi : Love you too.

cinnamoroll : awwwwww

keroppi : and you guys wanted to accuse MAKOTO of being too gay.

cinnamoroll : you were fully content with that plan and you know it

keroppi : i plead the fifth. look at my sweet baby face and tell me i could commit crimes

kuromi : You could commit crimes. 

keroppi : mukuro shhhhh it was a rhetorical question

kuromi : How was I supposed to know that?

keroppi : through our best friend telekinesis, ofc! i send you messages through it all the time surely youve been receiving them

kuromi : Ah, of course. How could I have been such a fool.

keroppi : i’m sending you one right now

kuromi : It’s been received. 

cinnamoroll : mukuro what does it say??

my melody : read it for us we wanna hear

kuromi : Of course.

kuromi : Ahem,

kuromi : “you gay lol”

cinnamoroll : HASJDHJKSAHDKGF

cinnamoroll : chi did you actually dm her?

keroppi : NO SHE JUST KNOWS ME THAT WELL

my melody : amazing.

my melody : truly the smartest, coolest woman alive. 

cinnamoroll : stop flirting!!!!!! i'm getting secondhand embarrassment and we aren’t even in the same room

keroppi : makoto calls sayaka out for lesbian crimes asmr 

kuromi : Remember when Makoto was calling us hypocrites for saying he was too gay? Good times.

cinnamoroll : i'm going to anaonymously report you ALL for bullying

keroppi : anaonymously

my melody : anaonymously

kuromi : Anaonymously.

cinnamoroll : AND THEY’LL BELIEVE ME TOO

keroppi : mukuro, you know you dont actually have to capitalize everything correctly, right??

kuromi : It’s the principle.

keroppi : principle schminciple 

keroppi : you type like a grandpa

my melody : watch out everyone! its Ultra Hip Chihiro coming through with only peak slang and the worst grammar

keroppi : im gay

kuromi : Are you accusing me of not being gay enough? How the tables have turned.

my melody : so do you want us to be gay or not chihiro im getting mixed signals

keroppi : that was makoto not me!! 

keroppi: this is blasphemous slander and lies

cinnamoroll : YOU’RE blasphemous slander and lies.

keroppi : ur mom blasphemous slander and lies! gottem

kuromi : I’m going to bed.

keroppi : it’s like 10pm

kuromi : Not all of us are “Epic Gamers” who run on 3 hours of sleep.

kuromi : I’m looking at you, Chihiro and Makoto.

kuromi : Sayaka you are an angel, and an angel that gets the recommended 8 hours.

my melody : <3

keroppi : THIS IS FAVORITISM

cinnamoroll : do you want me to quote myself from like 5 minutes ago

cinnamoroll : we can’t all be mukuro’s girlfriend

keroppi : huh.

keroppi : homophobia really is rampant these days.

my melody : yes i’m gay yes i’m homophobic we exist.

my melody : anyway i am also going to bed i have to get my beauty sleep xoxo luv u guys

kuromi : Goodnight.

cinnamoroll : night guys!!!

keroppi : night!

keroppi : …

cinnamoroll : ...

keroppi : hey makoto

keroppi : wanna come over and play animal crossing?

cinnamoroll : absolutely


	2. Chapter 2

cinnamoroll : guys i’m gay

kuromi : We’ve been over the fact that this is not news to us.

kuromi : Is there a reason you’re bringing it up?

cinnamoroll : ok so today i was in class right

keroppi : i bet my entire lifes savings that byakuya enters this story at some point

cinnamoroll : shush im telling a story

keroppi : thats not a no

my melody : it’s because you’re right AHAHA

cinnamoroll : ok so i was in class today and i was drawing on my notes 

cinnamoroll : and maaaaaaaybe a certain pretty boy who maaaaaaaaybe sits next to me was featured in them

my melody : oh my GOD SDKAHJSJ

my melody : makoto, could you be any more obvious??

keroppi : no wait theres more

keroppi : he wont tell you this himself but he was totally staring the whole time too

kuromi : You really are hopeless.

keroppi : like a cliche schoolgirl.....

keroppi : did you write his name surrounded in hearts too?

cinnamoroll : BULLYING ME IS NOT HELPING

cinnamoroll : and there’s more to the story

cinnamoroll : so i was drawing byakuya ill admit it. 

keroppi : infatuated /inˈfaCHo͝oeədəd/ _adjective_

possessed with an intense passion or admiration for someone.

cinnamoroll : (ᵟຶᴖ ᵟຶ )

cinnamoroll : i can stop telling the story. is that what you want me to do?

keroppi : fine

cinnamoroll : i was drawing him. on my paper. and maybe staring a little bit. and he LOOKED AT ME. while i was drawing him. 

cinnamoroll : and i tried to cover my paper up but i don’t think i was fast enough

cinnamoroll : ...

cinnamoroll : wait for it

cinnamoroll : guys he SMILED at me. 

my melody : HE WHAT???????

kuromi : I didn’t think that was an emotion byakuya was capable of showing on his face.

cinnamoroll : HE SAW MY DRAWINGS AND HE **SMILED**

cinnamoroll : IT WAS LIKE A HALF-SMIRK AND HE TRIED TO HIDE IT BY LOOKING AWAY BUT IT WAS THERE!!!! 

keroppi : oh my god

keroppi : you made byakuya SMILE? genuinely? ask him out makoto he’s in LOVE

my melody : ^^^^^^^^^

keroppi : the nicest interaction i’ve ever had with byakuya is one (1) time he waited for me to walk through a door before him

keroppi : and he still scoffed at me afterwards

kuromi : For most people I would maybe laugh this off. But for Byakuya? This is serious.

keroppi : get kyoko to go all detective mind games on his ass! she’d do that for you

cinnamoroll : she probably would, too..

cinnamoroll : should i? like for real?

my melody : absolutely

my melody : i love you but you have no chance with that boy without as much outside interference as possible

kuromi : Yeah, talking to Byakuya is like talking to a brick wall. Except the brick wall laughs at you sometimes and then shows you how much money it has.

cinnamoroll : he’s not like that!!!

kuromi : For you, maybe.

kuromi : If you do end up dating him, please teach him how to be nice to people who aren’t you.

cinnamoroll : you guys are making a lot of assumptions here

cinnamoroll : 1 - assuming that he wants anything to do with me

cinnamoroll : 2 - assuming toko wouldn’t immediately maul me if she heard we were dating 

my melody : ok i can admit that the second one is something we’ll have to work on

my melody : but seriously makoto? if you’re staring at him that much you have to have noticed, right?

my melody : you’re the only person he’s nice to at all!

keroppi : he doesnt stare at you like you stare at him but he glances over at you all the time when he thinks youre not looking

keroppi : even if youre gonna insist its not romantic, you are CLEARLY at the top of his (otherwise nonexistent) list of friends

cinnamoroll : this is why i cant be friends with smart people you guys make me feel so stupid

keroppi : youre not stupid! we’re just trying to help you

kuromi : You need to stop stressing over this, Makoto.

cinnamoroll : hoo okay gotcha

cinnamoroll : i can feel the sense that got smacked into me. 

keroppi : ill come smack you irl if you dont talk to kirigiri about this

keroppi : and thats a warning.

my melody : and! you can work out a relationship with people who aren’t the most open book emotionally

my melody : part of being in a relationship is being their rock! you’re special.

cinnamoroll : speaking from experience i see?

kuromi : … No comment.

my melody : hehehe

keroppi : all in all, you got this, we believe in you!

keroppi : keep on being a gold digger.

cinnamoroll : we were so close to having an emotional moment from you chihiro. i was almost scared

keroppi : >:3c

keroppi : but in all seriousness, i hope this works out for you

keroppi : if only because you are the only person alive who can make byakuya tolerable.

cinnamoroll : ok im gonna ask kyoko pray for me!!!

my melody : you can do it!!!!!

-

**[ Makoto Naegi began a call at 7:12. ]**

**[ Call ended at 7:33. ]**

Kyoko Kirigiri : I can help.

Makoto Naegi : i owe you my life <333

-

Kyoko Kirigiri : Togami.

Byakuya Togami : Kirigiri.

Kyoko Kirigiri : We need to talk. 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> the DRAMA.
> 
> anyway! im sorry this chapters a little more serious and a little less funny but i was uninspired and needed a transition into the byakuya-centric chapters
> 
> i hope it's still enjoyable! hopefully the next chapter shouldnt take me too long to upload


	3. Chapter 3

Byakuya Togami : I’m afraid I have no idea what you could be talking about. 

Byakuya Togami : You’ll have to enlighten me.

Kyoko Kirigiri : I’d be happy to. I’ve got nothing but time.

Byakuya Togami : Well I certainly don’t, so be quick with it.

Kyoko Kirigiri : If you’re in a rush, I can wait.

Kyoko Kirigiri : We can do this any time.

Byakuya Togami : Stop dragging this interaction on and just tell me.

Byakuya Togami : I’m going to rip my eyeballs out if I have to stare at your name for much longer.

Kyoko Kirigiri : Fine. How about we look at a different name?

Kyoko Kirigiri : Let’s try Makoto.

-

Toko Fukawa : Byakuya… 

Toko Fukawa : Byakuya, just one message

Toko Fukawa : Just respond once?

Toko Fukawa : Byakuya, please….

Toko Fukawa : I’ll do anything

**[Read at 7:46]**

-

Byakuya Togami : I fail to see how Makoto is any concern of mine.

Byakuya Togami : It’s baffling that I would be the first person you went to about a classmate. Makoto has a lot of friends. You could have talked to, quite literally, anyone else.

Byakuya Togami : Are we done now?

Kyoko Kirigiri : Your wording is interesting.

Kyoko Kirigiri : Do you not consider yourself a friend of Makoto’s?

Kyoko Kirigiri : Because I can tell you with certainty he thinks of you as one.

Byakuya Togami : And this is relevant how?

Kyoko Kirigiri : You’d find out if you answered.

Kyoko Kirigiri : If I had actually needed just any friend of Makoto’s, you wouldn’t exactly be my first choice. We have mutual friends. It would have been just as easy to speak with Mukuro or Celeste, who I already speak with regularly.

Byakuya Togami : So what, you needed me specifically? What could have possibly happened to Makoto that you need me?

Kyoko Kirigiri : My issue doesn’t lie with Makoto. It lies with your relationship to him.

Byakuya Togami : What?

Byakuya Togami : You’re making less and less sense as time goes on. I can feel my brain leaking out my ears.

Kyoko Kirigiri : Are you being deliberately obtuse?

Kyoko Kirigiri : Or are you sincerely not aware of how you feel about him?

Byakuya Togami : The implications there are not lost on me.

Byakuya Togami : I have no interest in having a romantic relationship. Especially not with Makoto, of all people.

Kyoko Kirigiri : Your actions say otherwise.

Byakuya Togami : My actions towards Makoto are no different than how I treat everyone else. He is mind-numbingly average in all aspects.

Kyoko Kirigiri : Ah, of course. Let me just pull up the full list of people you glance at when they’re taking notes.

Kyoko Kirigiri : 

  1. Makoto.



Byakuya Togami : He sits directly next to me in several classes. Is looking at him proof of undying love?

Byakuya Togami : I hate to break it to you, but I look at quite a few things every day. The ground. Scenery. My phone.

Byakuya Togami : I’m not planning on eloping with everything I so much as glance at. 

Kyoko Kirigiri : It’s funny. You didn’t list a single other human that you look at on purpose.

Kyoko Kirigiri : Regardless, that’s far from the only sign.

Byakuya Togami : Oh, do enlighten me. 

Byakuya Togami : Tell me all about my own feelings. Read my mind, if you so desire.

Kyoko Kirigiri : You are visibly and noticeably softer around him than around everyone else.

Kyoko Kirigiri : There is significantly less fighting when he’s around to mediate for you. You may snark, but you always go along with whatever he’s asking of you. You visibly turn away whenever he compliments you, which just so happens to conveniently hide your face (and any reaction it could be making). You always gravitate to him in group settings, despite him being “completely average”. You show him more common courtesy than I’ve seen you show the entire rest of our class combined.

Kyoko Kirigiri : I’m not the only one who’s noticed. You could ask almost any other person in our class. At this point I think  **you’re** the only person who hasn’t realized your feelings besides Makoto himself.

Byakuya Togami : That can’t be right.

Kyoko Kirigiri : I can’t tell which part of that you’re attempting to dispute, but regardless, you’re wrong.

Byakuya Togami : No.

Byakuya Togami : I’m not… gay.

Kyoko Kirigiri : I have news.

Byakuya Togami : No you don’t.

Byakuya Togami : There’s no news.

Byakuya Togami : I’m not.

Byakuya Togami : I’m not.

Byakuya Togami : I can’t be.

Byakuya Togami : …

Byakuya Togami : Fuck.

Kyoko Kirigiri : And there it is.

Byakuya Togami : This means nothing.

Byakuya Togami : I can ignore this.

Kyoko Kirigiri : An interesting choice, seeing as it’s pretty obvious Makoto would rather it not mean nothing.

Kyoko Kirigiri : He stares at you like you hung every star in the sky just for him.

Byakuya Togami : How do I know you’re not lying to me?

Byakuya Togami : You could very well have been lying this whole time about knowing anything. Maybe you just want to ruin my reputation.

Kyoko Kirigiri : I’m not cruel. I wouldn’t lead you on like this just to break your heart. 

Kyoko Kirigiri : Makoto’s my friend. I wouldn’t lie about him.

Kyoko Kirigiri : And I know you saw his drawings of you. All I’ll say is you’re both incredibly oblivious. 

Kyoko Kirigiri : If I have to play matchmaker any more than I already have, I don’t know what I’m going to do with myself.

Kyoko Kirigiri : Ask the poor boy out. For both of your sakes.

Byakuya Togami : I’ll… consider it.

Kyoko Kirigiri : Good.

Kyoko Kirigiri : I hate to be cliche, but treat him well. He really does love you.

Byakuya Togami : Understood.

Byakuya Togami : I appreciate your help in figuring out what to do in this situation.

Kyoko Kirigiri : A roundabout thank you, but I’ll take it.

Kyoko Kirigiri : Good luck, Togami.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> the boys are gonna Work It Out soon!!!!!!
> 
> byakuya turns on his read receipts just to click open toko's messages and then immediately turns them off
> 
> writing this chapter was just line after line of snark..... i hope i do these two justice!! sorry makoto chihiro mukuro and sayaka arent here this chapter but i promise they'll be back!


	4. Chapter 4

cinnamoroll : hehehehehehehehehehehe

cinnamoroll : heheheheheheheheheheheheheeeeee

my melody: makoto??

my melody : is everything ok????

cinnamoroll : :)

keroppi : makoto that is INCREDIBLY ominous please tell us what is going on before sayaka has a heart attack

cinnamoroll : ok!!! its storytime settle down besties 

keroppi : the tone implies something really good happened. we’re probably settling in for chapter 27839429 of pining over byakuya.

kuromi : He seems a little too excited for that.

keroppi : you’re underestimating how much of a sap he is. 

cinnamoroll : at least wait until after i’ve actually told the story to analyze it!!! >:1

my melody : my heart attack…. its coming, i can feel it

my melody : my heart………. its stopping……..

my melody : tell mukuro i love her……

kuromi : My love, your death will not stop our romance. While your physical heart may have stopped due to myocardial infarction, our spirits’ hearts will remain in love forever. 

keroppi : HAHA YOU SAID COMING!!!!!!!!!!

cinnamoroll : i call bs there is NO way you knew the technical name for a heart attack off the top of your head.

kuromi : Oh of course not. I looked it up, obviously.

kuromi : But doesn’t it ass to the drama?

kuromi : I meant add!!! I meant add, Chihiro, please spare me!

keroppi : >:3c

keroppi : HEY GUYS

keroppi : MUKURO SAID A S S

my melody : guys my heart attack is bc makotos not telling the story youre NOT HELPING 

cinnamoroll : ok time for tales of makoto dealing with byakuya existing in his presence chapter 2 million (*´ ˘ `*).｡oO ( ♡ )

my melody : im saved!!!

kuromi : Did Kirigiri talk to him for you yet?

cinnamoroll : she said she would do it but she hasnt talked to me about it since then

cinnamoroll : so im not sure actually!

cinnamoroll : but the plot is thickening regardless….

my melody : oh?

cinnamoroll : ok so at the end of the school day we were the last two in the classroom

cinnamoroll : everyone else left before us because i dropped all my stuff on the ground

cinnamoroll : all my papers fell out, my pencils were everywhere, etc etc

cinnamoroll : byakuya didn’t help me, of course. he just sort of stood there, watching me? 

keroppi : tsundere ass

cinnamoroll : it was incredibly awkward. he didn’t say anything the whole time i was picking up my stuff but he also acted like he was waiting for me???

my melody : BKACVGWCNVEVNEVHEJE

kuromi : The mental image of this is amazing.

kuromi : Just you, shuffling around on the ground while Byakuya glares at you from like 3 feet away. All in dead silence.

cinnamoroll : I KNOW

cinnamoroll : and so i got up and turned around to face him and i was like “did you need me?”

cinnamoroll : i def looked really stupid because i was SUPER NERVOUS   
  


cinnamoroll : but he was like flustered?

cinnamoroll : and he was all like “ahem ahem i have a question for you”

cinnamoroll : he was like. uh. 

cinnamoroll : i’d say uncomfortably close but i wasn’t uncomfortable it was just unusual

my melody : OMG REALLY???? DID YOU KISS

keroppi : he finally asked you out?

kuromi : I’ll get the party poppers.

cinnamoroll : and theeeeeeen

cinnamoroll : iruma from class 79 burst in, with fuyuhiko in hot pursuit. there was oil ALL over his hair and suit and everything. like so much.

cinnamoroll : i almost didn’t recognize him. 

cinnamoroll : it was DRIPPING

my melody : makoto nooooooo oh my god

kuromi : Only at Hope’s Peak.

cinnamoroll : miu was absolutely losing it. fuyuhiko was SCREAMING at the top of his lungs.

cinnamoroll : and fuyuhiko just shoved me out of the way as he ran by, which got oil all over my cheek

cinnamoroll : and just like that they were out the other door.

keroppi : AHAHAHHAHA 

keroppi : thats tragic actually i cant believe it

cinnamoroll : but wait theres more

keroppi : how can this possibly get any worse???

cinnamoroll : so i turned back to byakuya, who looked incredibly confused

cinnamoroll : (to be fair i probably did too)

cinnamoroll : BUT WE GOT LOCKED IN AWKWARD SILENCE AGAIN

cinnamoroll : and we just sorta stared at each other for a hot second

cinnamoroll : (this parts good get the popcorn)

my melody : will do!

kuromi : Kernels have been popped and I’m ready for the big finale.

cinnamoroll : so we’re staring at each other, right

cinnamoroll : and he reaches forward and slooooooowly grabs my cheek

cinnamoroll : AND HE BRUSHES THE OIL OFF MY CHEEK WITH HIS THUMB

my melody : !!!!!!

cinnamoroll : THATS SO FUCKING ROMANTIC

cinnamoroll : I ALMOST STARTED CRYING GUYS

keroppi : AHHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA

kuromi : Makoto oh my god.

kuromi : Did you at least kiss, finally?

cinnamoroll : short answer no

cinnamoroll : long answer is he just sorta kept his hand on my face. but like

cinnamoroll : there was some oil still on my lips that he pushed over with his thumb

cinnamoroll : and i licked it off but his finger was still there

cinnamoroll : and i LICKED HIS THUMB ON ACCIDENT

my melody : how did you forget it was there????

keroppi : MAKOTOOOOOO

cinnamoroll : ur gonna call me a sap for this but i was too busy looking at his face

kuromi : That’s some certified softie behavior, Makoto.

cinnamoroll : after that though we both just stared at each other in shock because WHO DOES THAT

cinnamoroll : he was kinda red faced

cinnamoroll : and then he just BOLTED

cinnamoroll : straight out the door. no words spoken.

cinnamoroll : perhaps? i fucked up

kuromi : I’m sure he didn’t run because he thinks you licking his finger makes you weird.

kuromi : He’s seen you do weirder things. Remember the slam poetry unit for language arts?

cinnamoroll : oh god, don’t remind me

keroppi : mukuro’s right though. he’s byakuya middle name “emotionally constipated“ togami.

keroppi : the fact that he was expressing genuine emotions probably set in

my melody : you’ll be fine!!! this is huge progress

cinnamoroll : i guess you’re right! it was just kinda embarrassing

-

Byakuya Togami : Kill me now.

Kyoko Kirigiri : Oh? 

Kyoko Kirigiri : What happened?

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> MY romantically constipated ass was in pain writing this so i hope you appreciate my sacrifice /j


	5. Chapter 5

Kyoko Kirigiri : That certainly is an event.

Kyoko Kirigiri : Were you intending to ask him out before you ran?

Byakuya Togami : I’m a man of my word.

Kyoko Kirigiri : You said ‘I’ll consider it, not “I will.”

Kyoko Kirigiri : I was simply curious.

Byakuya Togami : So what if I was?

-

Toko Fukawa : BYAKUYA!!!!!

Toko Fukawa : IT’S OKAY THAT YOU DON'T RESPOND TO ME.

Toko Fukawa : I SAW YOU IN THE CLASSROOM WITH MAKOTO THE OTHER DAY!!! KYAHAHAHAHAHA

Toko Fukawa : HAVE FUN WITH YOUR BOYFRIEND WHILE YOU CAN!

Toko Fukawa : ;P

Byakuya Togami : I’m not dating Makoto. I don’t see what would give you that impression.

Toko Fukawa : HUH.

Toko Fukawa : IT SURE SEEMED ROMANTIC TO ME!

Toko Fukawa : WELL IN THAT CASE, 

Byakuya Togami : I’m blocking you now.

[Message not received]

[Message not received]

[Message not received]

[Message not received]

[Message not received]

[Message not received]

[Message not received]

-

Byakyua Togami : Genocider’s caught on. I can’t lie to her forever. If I do end up… dating Makoto, and she finds out, things won’t be pretty.

Kyoko Kirigiri : Hm. 

Kyoko Kirigiri : I have a plan to keep her out of the picture. You’ve seen her and Makoto’s sister, haven’t you?

Kyoko Kirigiri : They might as well call me SHSL Matchmaker at this point.

Byakuya Togami : You’re planning to set Fukawa of all people up with someone else? There’s no way that’s going to work. If she was that easy to get rid of she’d already be gone.

Byakuya Togami : I’ve tried.

Kyoko Kirigiri : Toko probably doesn’t even like you romantically.

Byakuya Togami : Are you out of your mind?

Kyoko Kirigiri : In fact, it’s incredibly likely Toko is a lesbian suffering from compulsory heterosexuality. She has attached herself to you, a conventionally attractive and unattainable goal. This is so she’ll never have to actually deal with the long term consequences of liking you, as she knows you’ll never like her and thus she will never have to actually date. She is unfailing in loyalty to you and you alone, so she can distract herself from the fact that she’s probably just into women. 

Kyoko Kirigiri : But that’s besides the point.

Byakuya Togami : Christ.

Byakuya Togami : Do you have paragraphs of psychoanalysis locked and loaded for all of our classmates? 

Kyoko Kirigiri : If I did, would it be any of your business?

Byakuya Togami : To a degree, yes, but we can gloss over that. 

Kyoko Kirigiri : There are more pressing issues here than Fukawa.

Kyoko Kirigiri : Her I can take care of.

Kyoko Kirigiri : However, Makoto’s emotions regarding you are not exactly something I can fix that easily.

Byakuya Togami : What on earth do you mean? That was embarrassing, I’ll give you that, but I don’t see why that of all things would be what sets Makoto down a different path.

Kyoko Kirigiri : Consider this.

Kyoko Kirigiri : Romantic tension in a room. Makoto does something that could be seen as pushing the tension closer to snapping. You run instantly.

Kyoko Kirigiri : I know him. You know him. He is blaming himself for this without a doubt.

Byakuya Togami : Oh.

Byakuya Togami : Oh shit, this is worse than I thought.

Kyoko Kirigiri : You think?

Kyoko Kirigiri : One step forwards, two steps back.

Kyoko Kirigiri : Look. There’s only one real way to go about this, and that’s to stop being a coward and tell him how you really feel. And soon.

Kyoko Kirigiri : Every day you let this fester, the closer he gets to believing you don’t actually care.

Byakuya Togami : What if I can’t?

Kyoko Kirigiri : ...Pardon?

Byakuya Togami : What if I actually am too much of a coward to ask him? I didn’t run away for fun.

Byakuya Togami : These things don’t … come naturally to me.

Kyoko Kirigiri : Wow, thanks for letting me know. I hadn’t noticed. 

Kyoko Kirigiri : You’re going to have to ask him eventually. Putting it off isn’t helping anything for you two.

Kyoko Kirigiri : You two will just be head over heels pining for years if you don’t do this. Makoto’s never going to ask you, you know him. He doesn’t want to assume things and he’s afraid of you not talking to him again if you end up not liking him. 

Byakuya Togami : You’re right, you’re right. I know you’re right. But.

Byakuya Togami : I’m scared?

Kyoko Kirigiri : You’re scared?

Byakuya Togami : I’m scared. 

Kyoko Kirigiri : Might I ask why?

Byakuya Togami : A lot of reasons. 

Byakuya Togami : He’ll say no. He’ll say yes and he’ll break up with me. He’ll say yes, and not like it, but never break up with me so he spares my emotions. I’ll have to come to terms with being … attracted to men on a very short term notice to do this. I’ve been riding sheer adrenaline up to this point.

Kyoko Kirigiri : Ok, but consider this. 

Kyoko Kirigiri : If you ask him, there’s a possibility he says yes and it goes well. No matter how big or small you think that possibility is, it’s there.

Kyoko Kirigiri : if you don’t ask him, the chance of him saying yes is 0. 

Kyoko Kirigiri : This is logic. You’re good with logic. It makes sense, statistically, to ask him.

Byakuya Togami : You’re right. You’re still right.

Byakuya Togami : How would I even do this?

Kyoko Kirigiri : Yikes. This is very much not my area of expertise.

Kyoko Kirigiri : However, I’d suspect something like this:

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> tokomaru will come to fruition eventually, so don't worry abt them! they most likely won't be a main focus though bc as much as i love them i don't know exactly where to fit them in
> 
> sorry this chapter was a bit slow and also a bit short, it's hard to make dialogue between kirigiri and byakuya particularly funny HASGFJHGAJGH


	6. Chapter 6

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> theres some new nicknames that are fairly self explanatory, i hope, but just in case - 
> 
> toki! - toko  
> omaru! - komaru  
> -  
> stinky egg boy - makoto  
> hell on earth - komaru

toki! : AND THEN HE JUST RAN!!

toki! : HE WAS TOTALLY GONNA KISS YOUR BROTHER! 

toki! : GAH. I DON’T WANNA DEAL WITH THIS ANYMORE

omaru! : it’ll be okay, syo!! he doesn’t deserve you anyway.

omaru!: : honestly, i saw this coming.

omaru! : i didn’t want to tell you, but my brother has been pining over him for months now.

omaru! : you don’t need him! he treats you like garbage. i know i’ve said it before, but i’ll say it as many times as it takes you to realize it.

omaru! : you ok babe? 

omaru! : you didn’t pass out again, did you?

omaru! : you know knocking yourself out on purpose is bad! :(

toki! : I’m awake…

toki! : What happened?

omaru! : something happened today at school that syo didn’t like. you can backread real quick if you want!

toki! : Will do.

toki! : Oh god. Did that really happen?

toki! : It did, didn’t it.

omaru! : it did, it did, i’m sorry.

toki! : Why can’t he just notice me?? I’m trying so hard for him!

toki! : He’s the man of any girl’s dreams, and he picked *Makoto* of all people?

toki! : I’m right there!!

omaru! : ok, first of all, don’t insult my brother. he’s sweet, and we look, like, exactly the same so calling him ugly is basically like an insult to me.

toki! : Sorry, I’m just frustrated.

omaru! : have you considered that you clinging to him is exactly what’s pushing him away?

omaru! : i know you’re trying to make him like you, but you cross the line sometimes

omaru! : when he tells you to stop, that should be it. you have to listen to him.

omaru! : at this rate he’s not even going to want to be friends with you.

omaru! : also he’s  _ clearly _ gay but i guess we can gloss over that

toki! : I listen to him!! I listen to him though, I swear!

omaru! : has he asked you to stop calling him master? has he asked you to leave him alone? 

omaru! : because i know for a fact you’re not doing those things, toki

toki! : But, I…

toki! : I’m just showing him how I feel…

omaru! : and if he asks you to stop you have to stop, period. nothing more.

omaru! : don’t even get me STARTED on how horribly he treats you!

omaru! : even if byakuya asked you out tomorrow, i’d tell you to say no. 

omaru! : he calls you names and insults you when it’s not even  _ close _ to necessary! 

omaru! : he’s a bitch, and you don’t have to let him walk all over you!

omaru! : i’ve heard him insult you at least once in every conversation you’ve had. why do you even like him?

toki! : I don’t … 

toki! : I don’t know anymore.

omaru! : you wanna come over again? we can talk some more about this.

omaru! : we can watch spirited away again, and my arms are always open for hugs and crying into.

toki! : That sounds… nice. An hour?

omaru! : ofc! <3

-

stinky egg boy : a little birdie told me your girlfriend’s coming over tonight?

hell on earth : SHE’S NOT MY GIRLFRIEND!!!

hell on earth : ...yet. 

hell on earth : poor thing still thinks her and byakuya will work out :(

hell on earth : (still can’t see why you like that boy, honestly. he’s so terrible to her!)

hell on earth : we’re gonna talk some more about it tonight though, hopefully 

stinky egg boy : good luck!

stinky egg boy : byakuyas…. complicated.

stinky egg boy : he’s a good person, just a bit blunt. has some trauma. other things such as that.

stinky egg boy : i swear he’s really sweet, he just doesn’t seem like it!!!

hell on earth : isn’t that just like you to see the good in everyone HAHAHAHA

hell on earth : good luck to you too. maybe you’ll kiss him for real next time

stinky egg boy : i’ll sure try!

stinky egg boy : wait

stinky egg boy : WHO TOLD YOU ABOUT THAT??? KOMARU????

hell on earth : :)

-

Kyoko Kirigiri : Do me a favor and bring up compulsory heterosexuality up with Toko when you see her tonight. I promise this is for a good reason.

Komaru Naegi : oh!

Komaru Naegi : uh, hi kyoko!!

Komaru Naegi : if you say so.

Komaru Naegi : i’d ask who told you about that, but i don’t even need to ask at this point. only one other person knows.

Komaru Naegi : tell makoto i say he needs to keep me out of his relationship drama!

Kyoko Kirigiri : I’ll tell him, but I can’t promise anything.

Kyoko Kirigiri : Thank you, Komaru.

-

cinnamoroll : my sister is having toko over tonight

cinnamoroll : everyone pray she doesn’t rip my eyes out <3

keroppi : it’s ok makoto, they’ll be too busy “platonically” holding hands and making goo goo gaa gaa eyes at each other to even notice you’re there

my melody : “hahaha ohh no toki i accidentally grabbed ur ass a little pleading emoji lets go sleep in the same bed tonight at our sleepover”

kuromi : Brutal.

cinnamoroll : ahem! side note.

cinnamoroll : ...

cinnamoroll : which one of you snitched :((

my melody : snitched about what??

**cinnamoroll sent an image**

cinnamoroll : MY SISTER KNOWS

cinnamoroll : WHY WOULD YOU DO THIS TO ME

keroppi : god i love your sister

my melody : i swear it wasn’t me!!!

keroppi : ^^

kuromi : It wasn’t me either.

cinnamoroll : sigh ok

cinnamoroll : i trust you guys, but like. where else could she have gotten this info

cinnamoroll : i know for a fact she doesn’t talk to fuyuhiko or miu, and they’re the only two who knew about this besides me, you guys, and byakuya

my melody : hmm

kuromi : Ok. So, this is just a theory, but hear me out.

kuromi : Who both follows Byakuya everywhere and also talks to your sister all the time.

cinnamoroll : oh my GOD im so dumb

keroppi : yeah it was definitely toko

cinnamoroll : i guess that’s fine then?

cinnamoroll : i thought you guys were gonna pull an ides of march on me

keroppi : caesar lookin ass

my melody : the knives represent? relationship drama, i guess??

kuromi : Dibs on Brutus.

cinnamoroll : can i not say one thing here without it being torn apart like you’re starving wolves and my words are the very last piece of deer carcass left for the whole group???????

keroppi : you just use so many metaphors... its so easy 

my melody : IT’S CALLED A PACK, MAKOTO

my melody : A PACK!

cinnamoroll : ????

kuromi : Sayaka is very passionate about animals, I’ve learned.

kuromi : It’s kind of adorable?

keroppi : that’s incredibly random but also it feels so in character to me

cinnamoroll : omg wait

cinnamoroll : sayaka did you have a warrior cats phase??

my melody : no comment! :)

keroppi : HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> this chapter was kinda all over the place but i hope it works regardless! 
> 
> i know last chapter i said i wouldn't add too much tokomaru but... i put them in anyway. as a treat.
> 
> komaru calls toko babe "platonically", so i hope that wasn't confusing haha
> 
> as always thank you for the love on this fic <3


	7. Chapter 7

Komaru Naegi : unblock toki now. she needs to talk to you.

Byakuya Togami : I’m afraid I have no idea who “Toki” is, and thus cannot help you. 

Komaru Naegi : TOKO FUKAWA! the girl you keep treating like garbage!

Byakuya Togami : Surely you don’t think it’s unjustified. You’ve heard what she says to me.

Byakuya Togami : She wouldn’t leave me alone.

Komaru Naegi : whatever. at least unblock her for a couple minutes and then you can go back to making out with my brother

Byakuya Togami : I.

Byakuya Togami : Fine.

-

Byakuya Togami : I’ve unblocked you now. I hope you have a good reason to speak.

Toko Fukawa : I do!!!

Byakuya Togami : Fine. Get on with it.

Toko Fukawa : Don’t…. don’t snark at me!

Toko Fukawa : I, uh, I talked to Omaru yesterday. 

Toko Fukawa : And she helped me figure out that I don’t actually need you. And, uh. You’re mean to me! And I don’t need to be attracted to you. And, uh

Toko Fukawa : Uh,

Toko Fukawa : You’re not my master anymore!!!!!

Toko Fukawa : I’m blocking you now. 

Toko Fukawa : I, uh, I hope we can be friends someday, but that day isn’t now.

[Message not received]

-

Byakuya Togami : Holy shit. 

Byakuya Togami : Kirigiri, you’re a criminal mastermind.

Kyoko Kirigiri : Sorry, one second.

**[Kyoko Kirigiri changed 2 nicknames]**

Matchmaker : Anyway, what happened?

Matchmakee : I’d complain about the stupid nicknames, but I am genuinely ecstatic. How in the world did you get  **Fukawa** to block  **me?**

Matchmaker : I didn’t tell her to.

Matchmaker : That was all Komaru. They’re good for each other. 

Matchmaker : Makoto tells me they had a whole in depth discussion the entire night. 0 hours of sleep. Apparently Toko stayed over an extra day because they both fell asleep on the couch at like 8am and slept for 10 hours straight.

Matchmaker : Komaru is dedicated to her. Even if they don’t work out romantically, which I’m almost sure they will, Toko trusts Komaru more than any other person. 

Matchmaker : Including you.

Matchmakee : You are literally the only other competent person in this school. 

Matchmakee : It’s a little disturbing how much you know about our classmates, but I digress.

Matchmaker : Comes with the talent. 

Matchmakee : God, these nicknames are so hard to tell apart.

Matchmaker : Admitting your eyes are less than perfect? Not something I would expect from you.

Matchmakee : It’s objective, you prick.

**[Matchmakee changed 2 nicknames]**

Asshole : I see you’ve gone a fun new route here.

Unwitting Victim : I have.

**[Asshole changed 1 nickname]**

Asshole : Equality.

Asshole 2 : At this point, that’s fair.

-

cinnamoroll : komaru just came into my room and hugged me and said “i love you so much but control your capitalist please” and then left

kuromi : Proud of her.

keroppi : please tell komaru i love her makoto 

cinnamoroll : ofc! lemme go hunt her down first

cinnamoroll : she says “aww chihiro i love you too” 

cinnamoroll : imagine the pleading emoji face because thats her in real life right now

my melody : i’m ditching you for komaru actually 

my melody : makoto we could have a 100% lesbian gc without you here it would be so powerful…

cinnamoroll : if i add komaru for like a couple minutes will you spare me in the wlw uprising?

kuromi : Don’t worry, we already would have. 

kuromi : Maybe.

keroppi : please add komaru she is my bestest friend ever

**[cinnamoroll added 1 person]**

my melody : KOMARU!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

keroppi : KOMARU HI WE LOVE U

Komaru Naegi : omg i love u guys toooooo :,0

kuromi : Komaru, can we get a “gay rights” in chat before Makoto kicks you?

Komaru Naegi : gay rights!!!! <3

keroppi : i love u sm komaru. poggers moment

my melody : komaru one day we will make an all lesbian group chat and you will be in it and i promise this. ily queen rest in peace

Komaru Naegi : imstill in makotos room and i can see him a bout to kick me so im typing really fast ii just want to say please make him abd nyakuya kiss already its getting annoying

**[cinnamoroll removed 1 person from the group chat]**

my melody : i-

keroppi : NYAKUYA????

keroppi : NYAKUYA REAL???????

my melody : HJFHSAHJKFKHSAJ OMG IM DEADa

my melody : IM LAUHGNNG SO HARF

kuromi : This is incredibly entertaining.

kuromi : She’s on the brink of tears.

keroppi : are u guys ~*hanging out*~ together rn?

cinnamoroll : are you just sitting next to each other and texting about how much you love komaru in silence???

kuromi : Obviously not.

**[kuromi sent an image]**

keroppi : IS THAT A KITH? A LITTLE SNOOCH ON THE CHEEK? KIND OF GAY. KIND OF GAY.

cinnamoroll : wow she really is laughing pretty hard huh

my melody : NITSTTTTS NYATAKAUT ITTS ON SOS TUFNNYNN

kuromi : “It’s Nyakuya, it’s just so funny.”

my melody : I CARBE EVEN HIT THE YEKS IM JUSY SIGN THIS OUT LDU

kuromi : “I can’t even hit the keys, I’m just saying this out loud.”

cinnamoroll: was nyakuya that funny???? 

my melody : yes. absolutely

keroppi : i cant believe catboy byakuya is real. everybody thank komaru for this prophecy.

my melody : komaru naegi created raymond animal crossing pass it on

cinnamoroll : i can’t trust anyone anymore. i don’t want to imagine catboy byakuya. this is the worst timeline

keroppi : do you not want to? or are you afraid of the truth

cinnamoroll : IM

**[cinnamoroll left group chat]**

my melody : MAKOTO!!!

kuromi : Chihiro, think about what you’ve done.

keroppi : are you putting me in time out? are you my mom?

kuromi : Yes. 

**[my melody added 1 person ]**

**[my melody changed 1 nickname]**

keroppi : i’m in time out but i am not sorry for my choices

my melody : MAKOTO IM SO SORRY

keroppi : if you think about it, this is komaru’s fault

keroppi : if she hadn’t said nyakuya you never would have had to think about catboy byakuya

cinnamoroll : dont you try to deflect!!!

cinnamoroll : i know the path we're going down rn and its NOT a good one im turning this car around

**[keroppi sent an image]**

keroppi : hey guys here's my raymond gijinka design :)

kuromi : You got out your yearbook *just* to draw over one of Byakuya’s eyes?

keroppi : ofc! who do you think i am, animal crossing twitter? i wasn’t about to draw a maid dress on him

cinnamoroll : I HATE THIS

cinnamoroll : I HATE THIS

cinnamoroll : I HATE THIS

cinnamoroll : I HATE THIS

my melody : what a fun day it has been, huh   
  


**Notes for the Chapter:**

> everyone say it with me : yaaaaaaay toko!!!!!
> 
> komaru is the worlds best sister and i love her
> 
> i typed nyakuya on accident during komarus horrible typo segment and i definitely did lose it


	8. Chapter 8

cinnamoroll : literally at this point i am never speaking to byakuya again things are so awkward between us now

keroppi : hold on im going to recreate them today in class in kaomojis

keroppi : (⁄ ⁄•⁄ω⁄•⁄ ⁄) (⁄ ⁄•⁄ω⁄•⁄ ⁄)

keroppi : but theyre also looking away from each other

keroppi : and also one looks just SO very angry

cinnamoroll : we’ve come so far that you have now invented EMOJI BULLYING just for me

my melody : literally those things old people were saying about how by 2025 we’re going to talk only in emojis are true

kuromi : I still don’t get the obsession with emojis.

kuromi : They just indicate tone, correct? Why are some so heinous? 

kuromi : What’s wrong with the laughing crying emoji?

my melody : babe…. 

my melody : babe nooooooo

keroppi : mukuro is a facebook mom

cinnamoroll : no, maybe like a facebook grandma?

keroppi : “My son’s dog just died today. LOL 😂”

kuromi : Why would I say lol when a dog dies? I’m not heartless.

my melody : guys stop bullying her!!!! 

my melody : shhh kuro it’s ok if you don’t know emojis shhhhhh

kuromi : Why would I say lol?? Why would I laugh??

kuromi : I know what lol means. I know this. Why would I say that?

keroppi : ok ok ok ok

keroppi : so mukuro let me explain

  
  


keroppi : like. imagine you’re a grandma and you assume lol stands for lots of love. and you post about how it means that and it gets reposted in your knitting circle

keroppi : and you think the laughing crying emoji means you’re actually sad. and maybe you

cinnamoroll : i feel like maybe she’s not going to get this explanation anyway.

kuromi : Can we go back to laughing at Makoto’s romantic endeavors? At least I’m good at that.

kuromi : Familiar ground.

cinnamoroll : noooo

cinnamoroll : why can’t we go back to the good old days, when we made fun of sayaka and mukuro for dancing around each other all the time?

keroppi : actually i can get behind that 

keroppi : remember when they were both texting us at the same time abt how in love they were with the other person and then we were like “i literally know for 100 percent fact she likes you” and you were all like noooooo…. she would never…. shes so pretty and cool…..

my melody : huh! almost like another person we know,

my melody: MAKOTO.

cinnamoroll : at least you guys haven’t *literally asked byakuya and he said yes!!*   
  


keroppi : i feel like im in the middle of a battlefield

-

Kyoko Kirigiri : I feel a tad guilty for not letting you know more about the Byakuya situation after you asked me about it for the first time.

Kyoko Kirigiri : Is there anything specific you’d like to know? I might not be able to tell you everything, but most things I can at least hint at. 

Makoto Naegi : kyoko!!!! :D

Makoto Naegi : things are already going better even if i don’t know exactly what you did 

  
  


Makoto Naegi : i do want to ask one thing though

Kyoko Kirigiri : Shoot.

Makoto Naegi : has byakuya, outright, said he likes me?

Makoto Naegi : im locked in a debate right now and i need ammunition

Makoto Naegi : so this timing was good, actually

Kyoko Kirigiri : I can’t tell what side you’re on, so this information will either be really uplifting or really depressing, but yeah.

Kyoko Kirigiri : Maybe not word-for-word. But since we’re talking Byakuya-speak, he has basically decreed his unending love for you.

Makoto Naegi : that is the worst possible thing you could have said to me,,, 

Makoto Naegi : now i dont even have an excuse!!

Makoto Naegi : thank you anyway though

Makoto Naegi : ily!! >:0

Kyoko Kirigiri : I wish you luck in your debate. Even if you’re at a disadvantage now.

-

cinnamoroll : ok. so MAYBE according to kyoko he *has* outright said he likes me??

cinnamoroll : BUT

cinnamoroll : I DIDN’T KNOW THIS. SO YOU CANT EVEN HOLD ME ACCOUNTABLE HERE

my melody : AHAGFHJSJSGFHJAGFGJGFHJ

kuromi : Here’s the thing. 

kuromi : Now that you know this, are you going to ask him out tomorrow?

cinnamoroll : uh

cinnamoroll : uh

cinnamoroll : uh

cinnamoroll : ...no?

keroppi : makotoooo

keroppi : why???

cinnamoroll : i’m nervous???

my melody : literally 3 minutes ago you were making fun of us for doing the exact same thing you’re doing right now

cinnamoroll : im so sorry guys

keroppi : *makoto voice* i have made a severe and continuous lapse in my judgement and i dont expect to be forgiven. im s

cinnamoroll : if you compare me to a paul brother again i'll dm you a video clip of me sobbing

keroppi : nooooooo makoto if i see you cry ILL start crying

keroppi : you have such a sympathetic face already let alone when youre crying you get like 200x more pitiable

cinnamoroll : :,(

keroppi : EVEN THE CRYING EMOTICON MAKES ME FEEL BAD

kuromi : The magic of being a nice person does wonders on the ability to guilt people.

my melody : rt!

cinnamoroll : guys literally what am i supposed to do heeelp 

my melody : we could always do the same thing you did with me and kuro?

cinnamoroll : i somehow doubt forcing me and byakuya into a room together for extended periods of time is going to work out

my melody : its worth a shot!!

keroppi : it worked once? why not twice?

kuromi : Dangerous logic, Chihiro.

kuromi : But I agree you two need more micromanagement. You are so tantalizingly close and yet so, so far.

my melody : it’s not even all on byakuya on this point i feel like straight up just neither of you are acting on this

cinnamoroll : T - T

keroppi : that looks like frisk undertale crying

cinnamoroll : it absolutely does thank you for pointing that out BUT now is not the time!!

keroppi : no time like the present

cinnamoroll : i dont think thats how you use that phrase

keroppi : it is now!!

my melody : GUYS im trying to fix this painful to watch relationship drama and its not going to work if you guys banter over me

cinnamoroll : ok ok im listening

my melody : thats a first! 

cinnamoroll : hey >:T

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> auauaugh!! im so sorry this chapter took me so long :wail: i think im going to try to loosen my update schedule a bit? ive been trying to update every week or so but i dont know if i can keep that up
> 
> my inspiration hasnt been great and i had to go to the hospital yesterday so im kind of out of it!! i hope this isnt too disappointing
> 
> thank you guys for always being so nice in the comments and leaving kudos!! i appreciate it a lot <3


	9. Chapter 9

my melody : ok so tl;dr i am going to pay your teacher real, large amounts of money to make you and byakuya leave the classroom together to get something and when ur in the room getting the item im gonna have chihiro lock the door behind you. and everyones just going to think you ditched and ill pay the teacher more money to not send anyone to look for you

cinnamoroll : ok. so im seeing a couple of issues right off the bat,

cinnamoroll : a lot of them involve you being in very big amounts of trouble for attempting to bribe a staff member of our school??

keroppi : as a wise man once said,

keroppi : it’s not illegal if you dont get caught

kuromi : I live by that.

my melody : and i think we all should!!

cinnamoroll : oh my god

cinnamoroll : you guys i dont want to get detention. i cant get detention. or maybe even arrested???????

cinnamoroll : can they arrest you for bribery?

kuromi : Yes. But we we won’t get caught.

cinnamoroll : mukuro you’re supposed to be our voice of reason!!!

kuromi : Right now the pain of watching this elaborate mating dance happen in front of me is overwhelming all logic in my brain.

kuromi : Also, we don’t actually need to bribe your teacher. We can just, like, shove you in a closet together. Like seven minutes in heaven but forever.

cinnamoroll : i see so many things wrong with those two messages 

cinnamoroll : 1. PLEASE dont call it a mating dance oh my god

cinnamoroll : 2. why do all of your plans involve locking us in a closed space together

cinnamoroll : 3. FOREVER???????

keroppi : mukuro slowly starves you until you Get Your Shit Together asmr

my melody : of course not FOREVER!!

my melody : we’re not going to kill you!

my melody : on purpose. 

cinnamoroll: why did you add on purposeeeeheheughghg :(

my melody : i don't want to promise i never kill you and then i kill you on accident someday in like a freak driving accident or something and then you come back as a ghost to haunt me forever from the afterlife for not fulfilling my promises bc as much as i love you ghosts are so so scary.

keroppi : covering ur bases!!!! queen behavior

kuromi : I don’t think Makoto is capable of being scary, even as a ghost. 

kuromi : He’s kind of like a puppy.

cinnamoroll : didnt you read cujo??

cinnamoroll : puppies can be SO scary. i bet ghost ones could be even scarier

keroppi : you READ??

cinnamoroll : not willingly

keroppi : i read uhhhhh audit logs B) code B) what else makes me sound cool

cinnamoroll : i personally think it would be cool if you guys could not lock me away like a criminal when you were the ones suggesting we do a crime

keroppi : what are you, a narc?

my melody : ok maybe we should end makoto bullying hour and actually come up with a good plan

kuromi : This was your plan.

my melody : doesn’t mean it’s not bad!

kuromi : As much as I’d love to say you can’t do bad things and be all romantic and tender you absolutely can. 

kuromi : One time you dmed me, word for word “what if i ate ice cream with every kitchen spice i have in my home on it at once ok i am doing it i love and adore you if i die i want you to know that one time i accidentally took your brand new chapstick home with me and was too nervous to give it back after that”

cinnamoroll : your dying wish was about chapstick?

my melody : it was 5 in the morning and i was not thinking straight

keroppi : you certainly werent thinking straight with that “i love and adore you”

my melody : i think when i do interviews they should stop writing pop idol and start writing sayaka maizono, known lesbian

kuromi : You can be both!

my melody : and i am! >v<

kuromi : :)

keroppi : mukuro using an EMOTICON? my world has been thrown off its axis

cinnamoroll : she’a getting With It!

cinnamoroll : proud of you, kuro

keroppi : anyway i think sayaka’s original plan is fine actually

keroppi : it’s not like we have anything better to do.

keroppi : so just like, shove them in a storage closet. theyll get out eventually but like i think being forced to confront makoto emotionally with no way out is like exactly what byakuya needs 

keroppi : remember last time? that bitch bolted

keroppi : can’t run if there’s nowhere to go

cinnamoroll : that sounds scarily like you’re planning to kill him

keroppi : >:3c

cinnamoroll : don’t you greater than-colon-three-c me!!

my melody : >:3c

kuromi : >:3c

keroppi : TWO EMOTICONS IN ONE DAY FOLKS

kuromi : Do you point out every time something new happens in your daily life? Every time you step on a new crack in the sidewalk? Do you document it?

keroppi : kappa

keroppi : maybe i do. none of your business.

my melody : we open up chihiros newest project and its just an incredibly detailed log of everything they’ve done in the past month and its millions of characters long

keroppi : yeah!! you found me out

keroppi : now brb i gotta go write an incredibly detailed log of this entire conversation and our elaborate plan for makoto and byakuya to get their smooch on

cinnamoroll : what part about “shove us in a closet” is elaborate??

keroppi : i cant hear you over the incredibly loud sounds of my rapid typing

-

Asshole : I’ve just received some news that there will be “outside interference” with you and Makoto. 

Asshole 2 : Wait, what?

Asshole 2 : From who? I don’t need outside interference from anyone. I can do this on my own.

Asshole : ...

Asshole : I’m going to print that out and hang it up at your guys’ wedding.

Asshole : That is literally “lol” levels of laughable.

Asshole 2 : And at *your* wedding, I’m framing you putting lol in quotes, you pedantic idiot.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> i have been working mostly on practicing my drawing skills recently so im sorry about the lack of updates! im no longer hyperfixating on danganronpa so producing content's a bit harder in that area as well. i hope this chapter's still enjoyable! as always, thank you for reading <3


	10. Chapter 10

toki! : Now that you’ve pointed it out, I cannot stop seeing your brother making goo goo eyes at M-

toki! : At Byakuya.

toki! : Practically every second they’re in the same room.

omaru! : LITERALLY

omaru! : they’re so gross

omaru! : i have barely seen them interact but what i have seen…. bleugh

omaru! : nastyyyyyy

toki! : Omaru?

omaru! : yeah?

toki! : Are y-you? Homophobic?

omaru! : AFHFAHJSGHJFS good one

toki! : …

omaru! : wait 

omaru! : wait 

omaru! : wait 

omaru! : are you……. not joking??

toki! : Well? How was I supposed to know? 

omaru! : oh my god

omaru! : hold on

-

hell on earth : MAKOTO

stinky egg boy : KOMARU

stinky egg boy : what’s up?

hell on earth : i need time to recover

hell on earth : if i die i want you to have none of my belongings. this is me going on record saying you're not going to be in my will.

stinky egg boy : komaru what happened

hell on earth : toki thought i was STRAIGHT????

stinky egg boy : wh

stinky egg boy : what now?

hell on earth : shoot me

stinky egg boy : you’re joking right??

hell on earth : I THOUGHT SHE WAS

hell on earth : BUT SHE’S NOT?????

stinky egg boy : did she think we went to pride for funsies? all those times you have talked about loving women were jokes?? no there is no way

hell on earth : she thought i was HOMOPHOBIC MAKOTO

hell on earth : MAKOTO I CANT

stinky egg boy : OH MY GOD???????????

stinky egg boy : no

stinky egg boy : you can’t be serious

**[hell on earth sent an image]**

stinky egg boy : oh my god

hell on earth : how am i supposed to reply to that

stinky egg boy : say you’re gay!!

hell on earth : solid advice

-

omaru! : toki

omaru! : toki i’m gay

toki! : What?

toki! : Really?

toki! : I thought you liked b-b-boys?

omaru! : that was a subconscious thing i did a while ago where i was just saying i liked guys ‘cause i had to.

omaru! : it was comphet.

omaru! : do you still remember when i brought that up? you were pretty frazzled, so i dunno if you were paying attention

toki! : Oh, I-I remember now.

toki! : I thought you were only bringing that up in relation to me.

toki! : F-for some reason. 

omaru! : i was, but i felt like all the comments about going to pride and thinking about titties were maybe enough to clue you in on me not being straight

toki! : I thought you were just going to support Makoto!!

omaru! : aw, y’know what, i can’t stay even mildly confused at you

omaru! : you’re too cute

toki! : R-really?

omaru! : of course!

-

Toko Fukawa : What does a crush feel like?

Makoto Naegi : woah what?

Makoto Naegi : messaged the wrong naegi

Toko Fukawa : N-no, this is the right one! D-don’t i-insinuate I’m stupid enough to message the wrong person just because you have the same last name.

Toko Fukawa : Me and Omaru have m-matching nicknames anyway.

Makoto Naegi : what are they?

Toko Fukawa : That’s none of your business. 

Makoto Naegi : alrighty then!

Makoto Naegi : that’s kind of a weird comment to start out with

Makoto Naegi : aaaaaaand i don’t know why you came to me for this instead of komaru even though you’re insisting it was on purpose

Makoto Naegi : as much as i would love to you’ve never really seemed like you want to talk to me before now?

Makoto Naegi : wait.

Makoto Naegi : is there a reason you can’t ask komaru?

Toko Fukawa : I-I’m gonna ask someone else i-if you keep asking these stupid questions.

Makoto Naegi : nooooo nonononoonono

Makoto Naegi : it’s ok i already knew 

Toko Fukawa : Knew what?

Makoto Naegi : you and komaru like each other

Toko Fukawa : W-WHAT???

Toko Fukawa : D-don’t joke like that.

Makoto Naegi : i  **wish** i was joking

Makoto Naegi : do you know how painful it is to watch my poor sister hang out with you

Makoto Naegi : she wants to tenderly hold your hand and confess her love so desperately

Makoto Naegi : i would feel bad exposing all this information about her but if you’re not talking about her at this point im gonna slap both you and me

Toko Fukawa : W-

Toko Fukawa : Since when?

Makoto Naegi : you don’t even want to know

Makoto Naegi : you WERE asking about her, right? cause if not i just totally exposed all her secrets on a whim.

Toko Fukawa : Pr-promise not to tell?

Makoto Naegi : of course

Toko Fukawa : ...Yeah.

Makoto Naegi : oh thank god

Makoto Naegi : got a little worried i just dumped my sisters biggest secret for no reason

Makoto Naegi : anyway

Makoto Naegi : crushes are kind of weird.

Makoto Naegi : whenever i see my crush,

Toko Fukawa : You can say B-byakuya. I know i-it’s him.

Makoto Naegi : wait really?

Toko Fukawa : Omaru’s garbage at keeping secrets.

Toko Fukawa : I don’t really care anym-more.

Makoto Naegi : uuh right!

Makoto Naegi : whenever i see him i kind of feel…. softer

Makoto Naegi : gah this is so sappy bear with me

Toko Fukawa : I w-write romance novels, Makoto, I can deal with sappy.   
  
Makoto Naegi : wait, actually?

Makoto Naegi : you’re telling me you’ve been writing romance novels without even knowing what a crush is like??

Toko Fukawa : If it sells, it sells.

Toko Fukawa : K-keep going.

Makoto Naegi : it’s like….

Makoto Naegi : it’s like every day is another day i wake up to see him.

Makoto Naegi : like i close my eyes and he’s there and even though he’s not perfect he’s so handsome and he kind of wormed his way into my thoughts

Makoto Naegi : like without even noticing.

Makoto Naegi : i hear a sappy romance song and think of him? and i’ll be alone in the rain and i’ll wish he was there

Makoto Naegi : like…. he’s so important and he’s not even trying

Toko Fukawa : Wow.

Makoto Naegi : yyyyyyyyyeah?

Toko Fukawa : You  **are** gay. 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> couldn't resist throwing some more tokomaru back in the mix <3 with bonus makoto pining!
> 
> i hope all of you are having a good day! :)


	11. Chapter 11

cinnamoroll : there is so much relationship drama now

cinnamoroll : within our collective social circle

cinnamoroll : i think we should go back to being silly and funny

my melody : if you’re getting less funny that’s on you!

keroppi : i am feeling as silly as ever

cinnamoroll : am i being less funny???

my melody : i could be mean and say yes or i could be correct and say no

my melody : you def seem kinda high strung recently though??

my melody : but i've been chalking that up to aforementioned relationship drama

kuromi : Agreed.

keroppi : ^^

cinnamoroll : ok good to know i still have that Makoto Charm (registered)

my melody : you’d still have makoto charm even if every ounce of humor was drained from your body overnight

keroppi : if you were a dnd pc your highest stat would be charisma nokappa

keroppi : like you’re not even trying it just happens

kuromi : Like a puppy, again.

cinnamoroll : deep sigh

cinnamoroll : if only i could charm……. the one who i love……..

cinnamoroll : cut to a cinematic of me staring out a train window

my melody : ok new rule no more vaguing abt ur crush

keroppi : why would you make a rule that’s going to get you in trouble

my melody : does it really count as my crush if we’re dating??

keroppi : one second 

keroppi : woah what?

keroppi : this isn’t what i thought the definition of crush was at all

keroppi : “ a brief but intense infatuation for someone, especially someone unattainable or inappropriate.”

kuromi : Ok then, we obviously don’t count, but also  _ what? _

my melody : there’s no way that’s the definition

my melody : you’re lying.

kuromi : No, I checked, she’s right, but I feel like I need to reevaluate my vocabulary now.

cinnamoroll : wha??

cinnamoroll : what am i supposed to call it then?

keroppi : idfk the dictionary sucks

my melody : keep living ur life king!!

keroppi : wait then what definition are we using?

keroppi : i want to teasingly bully our dear friends for having an adorable relationship god damnit!

my melody : you can’t always win, chi

keroppi : i can sure try!

kuromi : Sayaka’s right.

my melody : *imagine i do a little hand over the heart gesture* awwwww baaaaabe :)

keroppi : you just lost. im going to win this. i dont even like anyone rn guys. this is in the bag for me

my melody : it doesnt COUNT if we’re already dating!!

kuromi : You saw the definition, Chihiro.

keroppi : this is bs!

keroppi : makotooooo back me up here

cinnamoroll : i’m staying out of this

cinnamoroll : for as long as possible

keroppi : COWARD!!

cinnamoroll : sigh

cinnamoroll : ok you know what

cinnamoroll : im with kuro and sayaka on this

cinnamoroll : nobody calls it a crush if you’re already dating

cinnamoroll : i still think the dictionary has a dumb definition of the word crush but i have never heard someone say “i have a crush on my girlfriend” or something along those lines

keroppi : what if i say it right now? does that help your judgement?

cinnamoroll : no, and that’s not how it works.

my melody : you like  _ just _ said you don’t have a girlfriend.

keroppi : no need to rub it in :/

keroppi : i have a crush on my gf yuri from doki doki literature club

my melody : chihiro goth gf au….

keroppi : shut up its not an au its real shes real its okay

keroppi : *yuri ddlc voice* yeah babe its okay they dont understand us

cinnamoroll : camera pans to chihiros yuri body pillow

keroppi : IT WAS AN IRONIC PURCHASE

my melody : chihiro nobody believes that

cinnamoroll : it’s okay, though!

kuromi : What’s Doki Doki Literature Club?

my melody : irrelevant right now all you have to know is theres a tall big tiddie goth lady for chihiro to thirst over

keroppi : IM NOT EVEN THIRSTPOSTING RIGHT NOW

my melody : keyword right now

cinnamoroll : yeah chi i love you but you cant just make these claims

keroppi : you guys are all deflecting anyway

my melody : hey, under the dictionary definition that mention of yuri counts as crushposting

kuromi : I thought we just established the dictionary definition is bad.

keroppi : at least mukuro supports me in these trying times

kuromi : Just trying to establish our baseline.

kuromi : This is a functionally useless argument anyway.

cinnamoroll : chi and sayaka are gonna be going at it for days about this no matter how much outside interference there is

cinnamoroll : we’re in this together, kuro

kuromi : Civilians in the middle of a battlefield.

cinnamoroll : children in the middle of a divorce.

kuromi : Pebbles in the middle of a tornado.

my melody : well! while i’m being bullied i think this is the perfect time to go to rehearsals.

keroppi : SAYAKAAAAA DONT LEAVE ME HERE

my melody : THEYRE NONOPTIONALLLLLLLLLLLLLL

my melody : *fades into the void*

cinnamoroll : i have to go eat dinner right now anyways 

keroppi : it’s just us now kuro

keroppi : ...kuro?

kuromi : If I told you I just remembered Junko wanted me to go do something with her tonight how would you react?

keroppi : uh oh

keroppi : what is it?

kuromi : She wouldn’t tell me. I’m honestly terrified.

keroppi : well if you find yourself at a crime scene im willing to back you up about being at my house is all im saying

keroppi : godspeed

kuromi : Thanks.

kuromi : If I stop messaging here forever assume I died.

keroppi : will do.

keroppi : …

keroppi : …

keroppi : …

keroppi : all alone.

keroppi : :(

keroppi : i need to go outside more

  
  


**Notes for the Chapter:**

> no idea how this chapter managed to be even close to on time considering all the stuff i've been doing for artfight
> 
> i hope you're all doing well! :)


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